“Can I come in yet?” she asked.
“Yeah.” I nervously replied.
“Hey nice tights. Nice T shirt too… and shoes!”
“Yeah.” I shyly said. “It’s all coming out now.” I guiltily added.
“Good.” she said. “It’s gotta be better than hiding.”
“Yeah… still scary though.” I said as I slid my new Muse LP out of its sleeve and placed it on the platter. “But kind of in a good way.” I added as I put the needle down.
“Good.” Hannah said as she sat on my bed. “Mum said we’d have a sort through my cast-offs tomorrow whilst Dad’s at work.”
“Did she?”
“Yeah.”
I pondered for a moment wondering if ‘we’ meant all three of us or just Mum and Hannah. “Am I gonna be involved?” I asked.
“Course… we need to know what fits.” she said. “Plus I’m dying to see you in my old uniform.” she grinned.
“Which one?” I gulped.
“Both!” she replied. “Although why anyone would choose to wear the St Clement’s uniform is beyond me… with or without those itchy green tights.”
“I needed to know how bad it was.” I said. “I prefer the Poynton one.”
“Yeah… that’s marginally better.” she said, before asking if I’d like to go to school dressed as a girl.
“Er…” I knew the answer but needed to find the words. I tried my best to explain that it’s not about dressing as a girl, but about wanting the freedom to wear girl’s clothes. “I wish it was the same for boys as it is for girls.” I said. “I don’t suppose you pull on your jeans and think ooh… I’m wearing boys clothes… they’re all just clothes to you. I’d love to be able to think…” I looked down at my short, tights and girlie AC/DC tee. “…oh, I’ll wear this today… an no one batted an eyelid.”
“Yeah.” Hannah said, glancing at my attire from my T shirt to my shoes. “Its a shame really because you wear it well.” she said. “You don’t look like you’re dressed as a girl… you look like you’re dressed as you.”
“Aw thanks Hannah… that’s really nice.” I said. She smiled and patted my lap. “I wish I’d opened up months ago, when you found me out.” I guiltily added.
“You did a bit.” she replied. “I didn’t really understand it at first but I’ve had a few months to think about it and… I know it can’t have been easy for you.” she said. “I guess in lots of ways it still isn’t.”
“It’s easier than I expected.” I said, although I doubt my extended family, friends and neighbours would be as forgiving and accepting as my immediate family have been.
“Well they don’t ‘have’ to know.” Hannah said.
“Yeah… I wasn’t intending to tell anyone else.” I replied. “Not any time soon anyway.” I added. Hannah’s eyes kept flicking from mine to my hair. “What?” I asked.
“Just looking at your hair… I could make it look less boyish and more like a pixie style if you want.”
“Mum was saying that last night.” I replied. “I don’t think I do.”
“Why not?” she asked. “You want to try new things don’t you?”
“Yeah but… it’s more clothes than hair and stuff.”